sometimes i feel like a kindie kid on the first day of school

arms hugging mum's legs, hiding my face in her thigh

pulling her away from the school gate with all my might and just wanting to go home.

sometimes i feel like a loner/loser who's forgotten the skills to start n maintain conversations.

like the most boring person to ever step foot on earth

like im invisible or horribly minute

i cant remember how it was when i was loud crazy caring confident happy loving loved

i dont know how come D:

i look at the sea of faces, all familiar..

but yet somehow, so distant and foreign

i cant help but compare myself to those around

and wonder how they get along with people so easily

wonder how come i cant be like them

n y im so easily irritable

simple things seem to be getting more difficult.. maybe i have a degenerating brain.

and i've forgotten to let God sit on the throne of my life

ah jodie.. you are so silly!
exams dont come but hurry go!
my happy family is here =D
oleh oleh oleh

i was all hyped up to finish my ergonomices assignment by today.. until i sat down n took a look at it..
=( WHY LIKE THAT!!??? i dont know what to write!

there's so many things i'd rather do.

HUR.

this is too depressing.

I NEED A LIFE!!!!!!!!!

im going mad!!!

my hippocampus is degenerating due to sustained stress!

my amygdala's losing its proper function soon!

i dont want neurofibrillary tangles or amyloid plaques to pull me onto the road to nothingness!

SOMEBODY HELP ME (do my homework)!!!

sigh sigh sigh sigh

ARGH
):

so lonely

D=

i dont like

D=

=) some things never change.. thanks for talking to me =D

and the girl who had to pee in starbucks but didnt want to leave tommy alone, thanks for talking to me =) jiayoujiayou with your funstuff!

this is my friend, sara ong ting tong with her assignment at
2300hrs, 4th May 2009, Monday
which is 39hours before phy rehab assignment (worth 50%) is due.-- tomorrow 2pmyea.. its an empty page. hahaha that's why i like to hang out with her.. we are both slow and steady HAHAHA. ever since the beginning of year 1 uni, both of us have always been at the same pace: SUPER slow and behind everyone else, rushing our heads off through the night and wee hours of the morning. it's not exactly a good thing. but i thank God for sending support in that way =) No matter how hard we try to be on top of things, it always seems that we end up being so slow.. i dont know why.. we're not THAT lazy..
and when i took her purple thong away over the weekend, she sent me a text message:

"This is to my purple thong. I love you forever. You complete me. When you walked away, it was like you took half of me with you. We were such a matching pair, but now i'm all alone. I will miss you and not stop thinking about you. My life does not feel the same without you, no one can replace you. You're so pretty and i feel so happy and comfortable when you're around. I miss you"


yeap that's her. sara's stupid in that way. hahaha

"you've got mail!"

Psalm 19

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.

There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.

In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun, which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion, like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

It rises at one end of the heavens and makes its circuit to the other; nothing is hidden from its heat.

The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul.

The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.

The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.

The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.

The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.

The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous.

They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;

they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.

By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.

Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults.

Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

i went jogging in Queen's Garden a few days ago. it's one of the things i love about east perth. like a mini botanical garden, it has many pretty flowers lovingly planted and fertilised and i don't know what else you do with plants to make them bloom so beautifully, and new flowers are planted every season. like how i love to watch kids grow, i love to watch the flowers grow too. they're so bright and vibrant and eyecatching, they reminded me of how God uses creation to point the world to His existance. And then i recalled a conversation i had with a friend not too long ago about the BIG BANG THEORY. ok i know im not smart, but hello? big bang? so.. wiki says this.."the term Big Bang generally refers to the idea that the universe has expanded from a primordial hot and dense initial condition at some finite time in the past, and continues to expand to this day."

uhm.. uh.. right, ok so.. the planets and the galaxies appeared out of the big bang..

and the trees.. and the sun and the sky and the seas... the big bang would have led to.. uh. the birth of animals?

ok so lets say the animals did evolve somehow from the big bang.. what about humans? big bang- tada- human! oh maybe the evolution came after the big bang.. so big bang-some mass of cells-monkey-ape-human? man.. that's insulting... look at my old handphone! we all know it didn appear from any big bang or chemical reaction.. we know someone designed it, spent lots of time and planning and thinking of what facilities it should have, putting pieces of stuff together carefully and then tada! great invention! if that's the case.. i'd rather be a mobile phone.. at least i'd feel like i've been intricately designed and created for a purpose, not out of an explosion and left floating around planet earth until my body decides to degenerate and die.

even annoying homework and assignments have "creators" and "designers".. what about us and all the blood vessels and cells working hard in our body which we dont even know about? what about nature? what about the stars and planets in the universe? the rainbow after the rain, the golden sunsets, the different patterns on the zebra, the giraffe, the leopards and tigers? won't they have been designed by a much greater and more creative Inventor/ Creator/ Designer?

Can you hear Him saying: I created all these, just for you. I love you.

my heart sank when i heard on sunday in subi church that emma and her family were leaving perth. emma was one of the first students i met when i first started out at sunday school. soft blonde hair, chubby cheeks.. i always thought she'd look like Izzie from grey's anatomy (Katherine Heigl) when she becomes older. she was shy and quiet and could barely speak in full sentences yet, still had nappies on.. i remember her mum asking me to take note when she just became toilet-trained.. she still needed help writing her name and doing crafts. she was just small, quiet and cute! that was only last year.. on good friday this year, i went to help out at sunday school with siumin after so many months and i was pleasantly surprised to hear emma speak =) she speaks in full sentences with an aussie accent! hahaa i felt so proud of her =) and i think she's made me realise why i'm teaching in sunday school =) Children today are the leaders of tomorrow but more often than not, are forgotten about/ given less priority. in Matthew 19:14, Jesus said, " Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." im grateful that God's given me the opportunity to serve these little beings that He so loves, having the privilege to watch them grow and mature as time passes. i must say, it's one of the warmest and most fulfilling feelings and i believe emma's a little angel that God has sent to show me this =) thank you for being part of my life and letting me be part of your life! u have an exciting life ahead.. flying to melbourne and america and God knows where else.. (her mum, heidi was listing a whole heap of places.. only melbourne n america stuck in my mind) while your parents get involved with missionary work in all these places, i pray that you'll be able to see how awesome our God is in the way He provides and plans and creates and lovingly forgave our sins through the blood of Jesus. Who knows what life would be like 10 years down the road... but my prayer is that you'll be a child of God, growing up to be pleasing to His sight and to be used mightily by Him like your parents =) i'll miss you lil one! izzie joonior!

emma can't read yet.. but that's what i would have loved to say if she did.

oh where oh where did all my time go, oh where oh where did it go?!?
oh man its monday tomorrow! monday blues have already set in at a premature timing.. hohum. n why do i keep sleeping!?!?!!?!?